"The question you have to ask yourself. Do you really like her?"
you know what. it really saddens me but, i guess the answer is no. for two years, i longed to just hear her say hello to me. started talking to her. it was fun. then went out with her. that was great too. but i can't help to wonder. talking to her online nowadays. i just try my best to continue conversation. but it always just ends up with me hitting a wall. and then i try my best again, but it just seems i'm running into the same wall hard, over and over again. it's not her fault, nothing to do with her. i think it's just, maybe not really that, you know, i dunno how to say it. when i was out with her, after all the awkward stuff, it was alright. but it really had been a long time since i've went out with someone and had to go through the awkward phase. i thought maybe it's a good thing. even a few people concurred. yeah, after an hour or two, we finally were more, into something. but it didn't feel like anything. just something normal.
it was great to see her there. her smile. it still makes me weak and stronger every time i think about it. her eyes, how they were so...
maybe all this two years of eagerly awaiting her welcome, i was over-expecting something. i promised myself i wouldn't do this. and i probably never will again. i had to get this out. right down from some deep pit of my heart. and i ain't sad about it either. just really wondering.
i told myself that i should just be frivolous. you know, that's how it's supposed to be. there's plenty of fishes in the sea. catch one for a while then throw it back again and then catch another one. but, maybe, maturity seems to be kicking in, and kicking hard. not many of you will know who the girl i'm talking about is. i wouldn't want to disclose it anyway.
man, and i wanted to be cool.
also kinda feeling down recently. been having really good dreams. and not those that make you start dry humping the bed in the middle of your sleep. i mean those PG-13 ones with scenes of intimacy. yeah, those. but the damn sad thing is that my alarm keeps buzzing off just when i gets interesting. interesting again, not in the sense that dresses are falling off and pink undergarments are flying through the air. i mean like coy-like intimacy shown from the female protagonist of my dreams. and i'm all "hey baby" and then everything is just cut to a scene which says 0630am. snap back to reality. all alone next to a bolster on my right and a reader's digest lying a few inches away from me on my left. as i try to force myself off my bed, i lay face up and wipe the sand from my eyes, and thought about the dream. damn, who be that girl? stuff like that. then try to remember how the dream was and where it stopped. so that when you get home that same day, you follow the same routine before you go to sleep, try to picture the same dream happening in your head and hope it is continued. but it rarely happens.
people always tend to lie to themselves. or as i used to say, omit certain truths. people like advertisers stretch the truth. some people make the truth. whatever it is, always be true to yourself at least. like Sigmund Freud once said "Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise." sure jokes are jokes and all. but at the end of the day, speak the damn truth boy.
x Nav ran as fast as he could
[[ never look back ]]
thought about this on the way home. you always hear them environmentalist or ecomentalist, as most of them are turning out to be, screaming in agony as a one of us human beings drops a piece of silver sweet wrapper somewhere in the grass. pointing at our big cars and saying it's the end of the world. hugging trees to make them grow stronger, better and to reassure them of a better future. you know the lot.
apparently the earth doesn't even care much about itself either, in my opinion. look at what happened on april 22nd, earth day. there was that massive icelandic volcano. interesting isn't it.
listen, earth is doing fine. the world has been around for millions of years. and it will remain so, unlike other people think so. apparently some people go so far as to say earth will disappear and be non-existent. now, i'm not a smart guy. nor am i some astronomer, scientist nor some doom-saying profession. but i try to get as much info as i can. you know, just to make myself a little more confident in passing some common sense around.
earth is fine. it's the people who are messed up. yeah. save the earth? hell no. i say save the people. our mindsets have changed just over a century. industrialization came about and ever since, we've been spewing shit into the rivers, air and whatever have we. and you can't just say save the world. cause we'll all be like some pikey. "eh, what world?" we need to stress this, save OURSELVES.
alright, i could carry on more, but i wanted to say what i was thinking. we need to start small. we are motivated by incentives, aren't we? we are.
see, Singapore Powers should start up by starting this incentive programme, to encourage people to start saving whatever we have and all. if just say a household saves an amount on their current bill compared to their previous, 10% of the difference between from both bills will be donated to some needy cause (the 10% could either be donated by SP or from the payment made by the consumer). if there isn't a saving, meaning a household uses more compared their previous bill, they will have to fork out an additional 10% of the difference, which will be donated to some needy cause.
it doesn't much but it actually kills two birds with one stone. but imagine each household saves 40cents. 10% of it is 4cents. a rough estimate of one million households in singapore. that's $400,000 per month of savings. and $40,000 of donations. now tell me, won't we fuckin' love that?
x Nav ran as fast as he could
[[ never look back ]]
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
i feel really sad for my chinese friends. they really are far behind in the world of bollywood. like most of them are limited to the knowledge of bollywood songs are people sharing their love for each other among nature's best gift in some field with flowers and trees and sudden changes in seasons.
or having the habit to play hide and seek with their loved one, either behind a tree, a window or behind a fat american man.
while here i am, in the current times, and viewing what people thought was only done by the americans. sex-ing up the scenes with daring and...well, see it for yourself.
and akon's not the only asking ladies to be jumping around in his lamborghini gallardo.
let's not forget. india is home to the land of beauty. and they were not only talking about the Taj Mahal.
enjoy guys.
x Nav ran as fast as he could
[[ never look back ]]
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
my shin really hurts. it really does. it hurts even more when i'm sitting at my desk cause the desk is smaller than a decimal and my legs keep hitting the legs of the table. just great.
hopefully i can get to run tomorrow. 1 hour to prepare my stuff, throw my stuff somewhere safe, go for a 30 minute run, bathe and maybe go the SP cca booth for a while. maybe track. hmm? hmm? gotta rush for my dental appointment and luckily i've been wearing my bands religiously. so now way the dentists can complain and spout more vulgarities under her mask. she did one time, she did.
okay, i was like going to vomit one lengthy post here. cause i was feeling rather down earlier on. but i'm really just tired. started the day off at 730. then went for a tour around orchard for a module. yeah, it ain't exactly as interesting as it sounds. then went shopping. and now i'm back. just finish a freakin one and a half page of commanding heights. it's actually a very good documentary. though its 6 hours long, divided in 3 parts.
alright. school starts at 8 tml. like argh. morning classes. can't stand it.
x Nav ran as fast as he could
[[ never look back ]]
Friday, April 23, 2010
i hate weekends. it's the time when i feel myself clinging on to the fact that there's something two days later. sure i love the weekends. com'on, who doesn't want a day or two to just slack. a day or two to just unwind, sit infront of the tv with a bottle of green tea in one hand and a remote control in the other while slowly drifting away from the tv to another world and only to be disturbed by our mother calling us for dinner. or even just going out to a relaxed environment, chilling with a couple of friends.
but sometimes, you're really just bored. you don't know what to do. after a while, you really do get sick of the going out. you just wanna sit home, half naked, sitting in front of the computer and blogging away about something totally pointless and heading towards nowhere in particular.
i just got through my first weekend after school officially started. the first weekend. there's still like 7 more weeks to the holidays. of course we'll all be cramming for the tests. the tests. yeah. hurrah. i can't wait for it. you finally get to see the mugger of the class (though i can safely say we all know who that is, eh) and the person who's going to stick closer to the mugger to better the grades (god, don't let that be me).
gotta start mugging though. gotta get the nerd out of me. i've gotta be the one shouting the answer (whether it's right or wrong) in lectures. i've gotta be the one who will make people go "look at that loser". i will be the one who's always haunting in the library or some other learning-conducive environment. yeah. and then by night, i'll be a superhero.
had my first run after so long. damn it felt good. and it felt even much more better after cursing at some dude. now, i don't condone such actions. it's not good. we should all live in harmony. but still, to hell with those dudes on their cheap-ass, small-ass, dirty little motorbikes, blocking the damn way for runners like me and you. well, not you, but maybe some other person reading this.
my gems tutor, i have to say, kinda has a body that's wow. and she probably knows that. came into class the other day with tight jeans and long black boots. i wouldn't be surprised if the song "these boots are made for walking" were her number one swag song on her ipod. really, a tutor like her, is probably the reason why gems shouldn't be missed. you guys have to see it for yourself. okay, her face isn't that nice. but hey, take it all in and you won't mind it. now, ladies, this is all just for entertainment. i'm not shallow. i'm really not. trust me. but sometimes, i really can't help being a guy. i can't help walking past a lingerie boutique without having to do a double take on the new, sexy, pink nightgown that's on promotion. serious. it's like how a promiscuous girl can't help walking past a lingerie boutique without having to do a double take on the new, sexy, pink nightgown that's on promotion. it's almost unheard of.
so, what should i do later on today. sleep. breakfast. newspaper/magazine reading. lunch. gameboy playing. study. run. eat. study. online routine. sleep. great. it's so wow. and the day after, it's back to school. with, retail communication. like what the...
x Nav ran as fast as he could
[[ never look back ]]
Thursday, April 22, 2010
the forth day has passed and it's time to prepare to evaluate how tomorrow will be like. for the rest, it's an hour lecture for them. just one, yeah. so i'm expecting the lecture theatre to be pretty empty. for me, i've got gems. boating theory. no i'm not going to learn a theory about a sampan of a boat with a blender motor stuck to the stern of it. it's going to be something more interesting than that. i can feel it.
well, sometimes feelings can be wrong. just like for that module, understand blah blah, something to do with diversity. too long of a name. i thought it was going to be a girl, looking at how gender confusing and unspecific the name of the lecturer was. that guy probably had some major issues to deal with, like the whole name thing affecting his life while going through puberty. talk about growing pains. and it sounded like a fun course too. was it? no, it isn't. but i guess it's easy to score a couple of points here and there for it. sounds easy.
and plus, i feel i've gotta be more awake for that class. inject a little nav into the lecture theater. if not, i have a strong feeling that i might fall asleep. correction, will fall asleep.
so then, what else is there? accounting tutorial doesn't seem that bad. but still, it's accounting. and i dunno whether i've said this in an earlier post, but quantitative analysis is kinda interestingly fun? i dunno, maybe cause i pimped up my tutorials. or is it comic-ed up. iiiiiiii don't know anymore. and RWPS just sucks alright. whatever report writing and presentation skills. yeah, it's important. i agree. but why the hell does it have to be so damn boring. it's so boring, i'd rather read the instruction manual for a dishwasher.
yeah, and i haven't ran in a long time yet. a week. no, probably more than that. wonder if i can still run. i found out my knee hurts only when i walk and nothing's wrong with it when i run. so, does this mean i have to run instead of walking even if it's from the kitchen to the bathroom. well, i guess it depends if i'm in a hurry, or rather, the poop is in a hurry to get out and live life in the underground sewage hanging out with the poops and pukes and piss along with the frogs, toads and whatever lives down there. trolls?
tomorrow hopefully can have a nice drive to school. it's not really a nice drive. nothing scenic. except for the part where i'll be pleading with my car to at least provide a little more power to drive up the slope at benjamin shears bridge, where the flyer and resorts are. have a glimpse of something so 'spectacular' and get back to driving that small little cute car that's just too much for me. a land rover defender would've chic-ed up the entire journey. and it's got amazing room in the back, if you know where i'm going with that statement. you naughty boy you.
and for once, you know i'd like to just confess something. i may have anger management issues. no, not the one where i just let it all go. the one where i keep it all in. and i dunno, lately i feel that i may just go off the handle. shoot off the gun. just blow at someone. even at the smallest issue. but i shouldn't, it's not right. and plus, what good will it do? besides making me feel so damn fuckin' good.
x Nav ran as fast as he could
[[ never look back ]]
Monday, April 19, 2010
first day of school. walking into school with a toothy grin and all decked in black, i eagerly awaited what was soon to be the start of the first class of the year. retail communications. and boy, did i get a right old shock.
you know how you feel sometimes when you walk past a row of 4 eerie-looking mannequins. well, okay, picture that now with like 14 of them (maybe even more than that), all naked (male and female) in a small room. it's really disturbing and if not for the white background, i would have been even more freaked out. kinda makes you discover or second guess your hidden sexual fetishes. sat on a white chair that rolls but doesn't recline. talk about comfort. of course, the lesson went on as it would. though, i kinda feel that this module is going to make me reconfirm my sexuality. that's a whole load of shopping. and yeah, the topics in the module, it's very, how do i put it - fruity.
okay, maybe not fruity. probably just not masculine enough to keep me comfortable. i'm not asking for like activities that downright rugged blokes rejoice in. i know i don't expect to be clinking large pints of overflowing beer right after a fist fight, listening to hard rock from the 80s. but come on, at least give me a little jenna jameson on sasha grey. dunno if sasha grey does those, but hey, i can pray for it right.
as for the rest of the lectures, it's alright. i really did got krishna, probably the nicest old man i've ever met. and for quantitive analysis. it hasn't gave me a roundhouse kick to the butt just yet. but i'm getting ready for it. though it seems nice actually. comments? krishna is best at tutoring. i feel. he kinda is droning all the way throughout the first lecture. maybe i'm being picky. or maybe i'm just asking too much. and the QA lecturer, who's my tutor as well, seems to be a little smart funny. "There will never be an opportunity loss if you're in SP. Things would be a little different down the road."
the class seems alright. 13 girls, 6 guys. interesting eh. or wait, i think 7 guys. ah what the heck. still the same. it has always been like this. for me. first in optometry. then last year biz. now this year retail management. at least it's not all guys. that's just wrong. it's like being in ACS. or some other idiot all boy school. yeah, that's right. ACS and all those fools. stupid people. bashing up each other. probably all the knowledge they gain replace their morals and their capability of being good sportsmen. maybe i'm just stereotyping. i know people from there. some of them are nice people. the rest (the majority), are just a couple of tools.
and i still need time to adjust to the back-to-school routine. still lacking concentration in lectures. and also, i hate sp right now. the damned track isn't done yet. you'd expect they'd try to complete it by the first day of school. right now, it seems that it'll take another month til their done. of course, it has to be done by next month. cause the youth games thing is starting in august. then there's the whole training thing and all that. i don't know. but we're getting holidays for that, so it's probably, and i'm saying this more like a question, bittersweet.
okay, so wonder what's in store tomorrow. i need to finish up my tutorial as well. and my lecture pad seems to have be going all out on the atkins. there's just 8 pages left from last year. and who would've thought i would have written such a redundant statement such as the one above.
x Nav ran as fast as he could
[[ never look back ]]
Thursday, April 15, 2010
yesterday was great. went off for the 20-bucks-per-hour job. spent the entire early morning counting cars. it's way much better doing it during the day when the sun is shining down onto you and giving you a fresh tan but with not a very flattering tan-line. and besides it being cooler, not many cars so you won't get a headache from sudden loss of keeping count. it's great that job. hope there's more in the future. then i can have a little more change jingling away in my purse when i'm out with the homies.
wasn't an interesting night though. was expecting some bengs to be speeding along there in their evos and imprezas. like they have the capability to buy anything else. though we were kinda impressed with the lorries and heavy good vehicles and even cement mixers. kinda made the night a little more fun and well, made me not fall asleep. but there was this dude who really freaked me out by talking to himself, loudly. you know how loud it was? i could hear it 100 metres away clearly. yeah, apparently that guy can't cope long hours.
so has the holidays been for you? have you done anything productive? well, i wanted to. but evidently, i am not fated to have productive holidays. wanted to run at first but suffered shin splints. then there was the rainy period. then got injured on the bike as explained in the previous entry, where my knee is starting to ache up. damn, can nothing go right? it's gonna start soon. i need to hit the pavements. need to be a hamster again by running around the red circular thing. i need to do something, athletic-y. buy a new pair of shorts and i'm good to go for the entire year!
so i'm counting down the days to school. of course i have to get ready my body clock. though actually, first day of school starts at 1. so i just have to wake up at about 10-11. which is about the normal time i wake up. but tuesday is 8. which means waking up at 630. GRRRRREAT. and taking the car will not be a wise idea as i will have to endure the morning traffic along the expressway. which means i have to wake up at the same time as i would if i were taking the public transport. so, might as well, take the public transport. then of course, there's the class itself. hmm, so far only one guy from the past class in my current class. wonder who's the rest? and the first class is a lecture. which means, we probably won't know who's who. i'll probably take a sign and paste it somewhere saying "2B06, fourth row from the back."
i dunno, i'm really going to do that. 2B06, UNITE!!! SPARTANS!!! AHH-OOO!!! of course it somebody had a cold, it'll be AHCOO!!. okay, my jokes are getting really pathetic. i know!! but at least i still have a freakin' sense of humor. and i seem to have ended today's entry with a whole load of exclamation marks. must mean a good thing of course.
x Nav ran as fast as he could
[[ never look back ]]
Sunday, April 11, 2010
i'm about a week away from the first day of poly year 2. got my option back. retail management. i never was interested in anyway about the courses and options but that doesn't mean i should use that as an excuse to not do well. got my gpa back. not good. not good at all. so, i've gotta work doubly hard. or triply hard. the race has already begun, and it's time for me to switch it up the third gear. gotta do well man. wanna get into NTU. hopefully it's possible. for this year, gotta get gpa 4. impossible. huh, it's nothing.
retail management. not too sure what it is even though i've read through it all. i know there's still accounting and all and if i'm not wrong, my accounting lecturer was my past year accounting tutor. so, a blessing in disguise or a kick in the bollocks. but it's all good. i tell you, stats is coming back to haunt me. and i ain't ready for something like that just it. it's a daunting task ahead and i know that it will probably hinder my mood along the sem. but, i've gotta do it. just like how you all of a sudden get the urge to shit and you're holding it in. you think you can hold it in, but the truth is you're gonna soil yourself, so you might as well do it when it comes. hmmm, something like that.
and retail management has girls in it right? pretty girls? hope so. don't let it be a disappointment. and let there be good ones too. an athlete maybe. no rich girls please. i implore. may all the rich girls be strike dead with a lightning bolt. okay, i'm not that bad. but still, rich girls. spoilt girls. bimbo-tic girls. no no no.
alright over the weekend, me and the buds went for night cycling and man was it a blast. okay, it wasn't really a blast. great cycle trip all the way to newton (unintentionally) down to orchard from east coast park. met this group along the way and decided to cycle along the way with them. and one of the girls in that group actually looked familiar. actually, now to think of it, she was from my primary school. hmmm, maybe, all of them were from tkps. i'm guessing now. but she was from tkps. i remember now clearly. okay, and i got injured halfway during the trip. hurt my arm crashing into my friend's bike. but all was good after that. though my arm still hurts.
right after our cycling trip, we set off for the campfire meetings and scout activities. did the stuff that we needed to do and got our asses back home for a well-deserved bathe and sleep. of course after lunch that is. next overnight activity, a drive around singapore.
and it's gonna rain tonight. and the wind is awesome. just awesome. hope the weather won't be so terrible this months. i know it's gonna rain, so, hope it doesn't rain loads as well. just a nice windy and cloudy period would be nice. can't wait to start off the school days with the wind in my hair and not a glare in my eye making me blind.
x Nav ran as fast as he could
[[ never look back ]]
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
so earlier on was nike commercials, now enjoy yourself with these offerings from adidas. but i daresay that nike is more creative and produces more great commercials.
damn, that was just amazing.
tyson gay. impressive. "If you wanna be fast, be Gay". just kidding folks.
okay, couldn't actually find anything more motivational by adidas on youtube. but hey, yelene isinbayeva.
it's good that we now have such materials so readily available. that way. any time we have an off day, or we just have a train of excuses choo-chooing through your mind, just play one of these bad boys and you'll be pumped up for the whole session. of course, there's no secret recipe to keep going throughout. mental strength. beat the damn barrier. pain is nothing but a friend for it tells you how much you can endure.
i'm distracted by the tv so i really can't wow much. it's 12 o clock as well. maybe i'll go entertain myself by watching something. a movie? top gear? some stupid video on youtube about a guy falling off a skate ramp? so many choices, so little time.
The older we get, the more we have to leave behind.
