you know, i always told myself that i would try my best to keep it in. especially after all that each of them used to say to me. that may be probably the reason why i make them unhappy? could be. that's the reason why i told myself to stop it. stop being so, hot. hot as in, like grrrrrr.
am i an angry person? i doubt so. am i a nice person though? probably...not? nah, i feel i am better than what i used to be. just ask my parole officer.
yeah. but really, i feel myself now and again pounding the table, slamming my macbook, fidgeting with my fingernails. it wasn't like this before. where did i get this? well, in the past, way back in the past, i used to keep in real in. and then i would take my anger and wish someone bad health. well, that was back in the day where i believed there was someone up there who could grant me wishes. of course, that was also the time when i learnt he just didn't work that way for some weird reason.
anyway, i also wanna stop it for the people that i caused misery and hurt. to you, though i know i will never see you'll again, to hell with you bitches.
but seriously, nowadays, i'm getting more in-check with my emotional side. you know, cry me a river? all that nonsense. i remember in the past, i used to write little songs and raps. just for the f**k of it all. wonder whether i should bring it up. it really kept my fist from pounding into a wall. i remember back when one day i really did pound my fist into a wall, my hand was seriously injured. memo to self, never punch wall. punch a swinging door.
anyway, i really dunno what i should write about. should it be that sometimes i still feel overshadowed and less popular? or could it be that i still feel like i'm 8-9 years old, when i could still hear my parents scream in the hall?
this post seems so...redundant. maybe i shouldn't have done this at all. publish or delete?
