not saying that i would have purposely wanted to have 4 years. i didn't. i hate it. i feel so old. i feel so bored walking the same campus day in and day out. i feel like buying a rascal so that my walking experience won't be so mundane, monotonous and some other 'm' word that has the same effect as the earlier two.

i feel i'm on the right track, no pun intended, on a better running status...thingy. you know, i feel some of my runs are orgasmic. some are just well, disasters.

disaster. just like what is happening here. can't concentrate on that thing now. i dunno, everyone's pretending like it's normal. maybe i should too? why am i so affected? why do i feel the little things? why does the little things always hit me so bad? why can't things just go along? can't they just agree to disagree? wait, i don't think that can happen. sometimes i see a the happy kind, the ones who always share just the most nonsensical shit about really nothing at all. i wonder, why are we not like that. it's alright. i don't need all that. but it'd be great if everyone isn't just stern. sure, we are dysfunctional. i love that about us. it doesn't matter where we are. what we do. how much we have.

i really have been humbled. i remember scoffing at others, boasting about the new 4X4 that only three of four people had in singapore. it was that good. with the tv in front, like no other at that time. people used to run to my car, just to see the tv. they were all amazed. how i used to love that. then of course not to forget. the big house. with the three beautiful gardens, and with a gazebo somewhere in one of them. the house was just the largest among all my friends. i remember when i went to people's houses, and i saw their freakishly small flats. why can't they get a big one i always asked. of course, we were young, without a care for the feelings of another human being, kinda like a debater, but that's another story. anyway, after all of a sudden, i found myself moving around. why?

this really was a humbling period. i've learnt to be better. and basically, try not to take things for granted. yeah, and you know, because of this, it makes me want to so badly get a better life. see, i always told myself i wouldn't talk like this. cause i always make myself remember of the pain of life. but that's how it goes, doesn't it? yeah, it's only when you lose everything, that you know what life really kinda means. it's only when you're dying, do you finally know the meaning of life.

i sit here again, trying to reconcile with the part of my brain which handles the decisions. it's turning grey quite quickly. argh, my tutorials are piling up. okay, by sunday, complete everything. run a couple of routes. and come back stronger. just like britney spears. but wait, where is she now?

end of with a couple of wise words. this is actually from the top of my head. i don't know if i'm quoting anyone else. but i'm sure it can't be anyone like sigmund freud.

The reason why i don't say hello, is cause i don't know how to say goodbye. I find it is quite hard to get close to people, because i know that one day they'll just leave.

Life is hard. So is math. but we still manage to get a grasp of it.

Run for your life. it's the best feeling.