i have to learn to do that. i have to learn to step up. and i am doing it. and it's going to hurt. hurt a lot. i may even collapse after going through it. but you stand up again. that's what we do. it's not about how hard we fall, but how much we can fall and then get up. the pain that i will feel is only temporary. like the great lance armstrong said, "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."

we all need to go through the gates of hell. and i am doing it now. i'm gonna keep up my integrity. i'm not gonna indulge in self-interest. the whole idea of it puts me off. but it seems nowadays that everyone is doing it. i want to carry on living by my rules. because it is those who live by their own rules that make something out of themselves. this are the values that i hope to instill into myself. it's been a rough start to a year. but to hell to those who shun me away and push me aside. all of a sudden, the belligerence of the situation is kicking in and though it makes me uncomfortable, there is no fear that i hope to bring out of myself at this moment. a little fear is good. it gives you that rush of adrenaline when you know you're challenging fear. and yeah, i need that rush. i need it.

so i dunno why i started talking like this. it makes me wonder sometimes. i dunno. am i becoming a little too dark. i want to be a writer. but where do i start? how do i start? will people even allow me to start? there are things around me that i wish to share my opinion about. but of course, nowadays opinions are always not welcomed (as evidently seen on youtube's comment pages). aim high. shoot high. success will then chase the forerunners.

and talking about youtube.com, here's a little something.