two fathers gone.
it's sad that this is the sad truth of life. people die. it's easy to tell someone that it's the circle of life, part of life is for one to end and we have to learn to move on from there. but when it happens to you, when someone close to you dies, what do you tell yourself. and while you're grieving, you have to worry yourself with the ceremonial and ritual duties.
what would your reactions be now, if someone told you that you were going to die in the next few weeks? an uncle of mine, a raging alcoholic, died. liver failure. some tumor on the liver. i'm not too sure. i wasn't close to him at all. hell, i disliked him. but what got to me about his death was how he dealt with his knowing of his eventual coming death. he was in and out of the doctor's a number of times but he hadn't let his family know about it. once my mom saw him walking from the doctor's, unusually dressed in sports shoes and track pants. the week before he died, he painted the house. nobody knew why. he painted the house, but i don't know if he was done with it. but just imagine. what would you have done in his shoes? i don't know about you, but i find it a little thought-provoking with the whole painting thing.
three days later, another death came. i remember discussing with my mom to meet up before seeing my her brother, but just half a day before that, he died. he had a heart attack and wasn't found until it was too late. he was then put on life support. it was a pain, when we received the news late at night. at the hospital, it was just painful. even my uncle who rarely shed a tear, broke down. hard. it was just painful to watch.
on the day of the funeral, i stood there. watching the children. watching the wife. watching the siblings. never in my life had i thought that the first time i'll be using skype was for a funeral. i was skyping with my uncle who was all the way in australia. holding the phone in my hand, i could hear his heavy breathing. it was just too much. it's never like what it is in the movies. it never is.
i dunno what else to write. i don't even know why i'm writing this. it feels so incomplete. but life always is. but instead of living in regret over something i wish i've done before, whatever i feel like doing now, i'll do it. backpacking. road trips. scuba diving. mountain trekking. whatever. let's do it.
i'm not going to waste my time being some loser somewhere deciding to wait for something that may or may never work out. guess it's about time that i did that. there's never such thing as living your life right or wrong. it's up to you. why worry what the world says about you. that's probably the weakest excuse to stop you form doing something.
rest in peace.
